I hate self-pity and sob stories. Maybe it’s because I can’t stand to deal with the reality of pain and suffering – I tend to look at the positive perspective of things. Or maybe it’s because my very own father, who has been suffering from many disabilities, can still sit around with a smile on his face.

Imagine, this man has been home bound for the last 25 years, and yet, he has not given up on himself. He has the will power and stubbornness of a mule. Won’t stop, can’t stop.

Don’t get me wrong. The man has pride- he won’t accept the fact that he is disabled. The key is to let him think he can still do things and help around the house.  “You want to clean the table????? Sure- go ahead” (I cross my fingers to hope he doesn’t fall while doing so).  If I told him he was incapable, he would have screamed and shouted till he got his way. Parents at this age are very similar to my 4 year old.

But Hakim, he’s secretly my hero. I wrote about him back in 5^th grade (my very first writing award from the township!) and I write about him again, 26 years later. 

Basically an orphan, my father lost his mother during childbirth, and his father died when he was only 10 years old. They were a poor family, Dad recalls his father making slippers from the rubber of tires to get by. Dad was survived by his older sister, 19 years older to him. She kept Dad in check. My dad is very Zanzibari- stubborn, strong willed, adventurous, and passionate for life.  They used to call him “Romeo”. (You should see his black and white model picture).  Romeo’s enthusiasm for life is like none other- I always envision a young Hakim, running around the alleys of Zanzibar, diving into the oceans and causing ruckus with the town locals, almost like a real-life Aladdin. Dad’s passion led him to explore many different areas of the world- China, India, Iraq , and he ultimately immigrated to the United States in the 1970’s, where he found his Princess Jasmine (HA, Fiza!)

Dad was always a very healthy, adventurous man. But there were many unfortunate circumstances that I believe have led him to where he is today. Back in Africa, Dad had an accident, which I believe may have been the start of his damages to the spinal cord. The medical treatment in Tanzania isn’t exactly the best, and many folks are frequently misdiagnosed. After Dad’s accident, he was told time would heal and there was nothing to be done. Fast forward years later when he was settled in New York- Dad was working in a leather factory, where he accidently tripped over some wires, and fractured his ribs. Good ole’ Elmhurst Hospital in Queens didn’t see anything else wrong.  Years later, it appears that these major accidents in my Dad’s life had damaged his spinal cord nerves, therefore, debilitating his movement and walking capacity. We moved to Somerset, New Jersey from Queens, NY in 1992. It was right around then that we noticed Dad was limping way more than normal.  After a few falls, my mother decided it was time to have Dad call it quits with his job and commuting to New York.  And that’s when it began…….

After numerous doctor visits, appointments with spinal cord surgeons, and other specialty doctors, the message was clear- it would be impossible to operate on Dad, after many, many years of nerve damage.  Dad was still functioning at this point- able to drive, walk, carry on with his somewhat normal activities- just now with a lot of limping.  It was after I went to college in 2000 that I realized Dad wouldn’t be able to share a father-daughter dance with me at my wedding, or even go for a swim again in the nasty Atlantic City beach ocean.

Weddings were always hard- I often found myself crying when I would see a father share a dance with the bride- thinking that I never would be able to share that moment with my father. Well, my future proved me wrong.

No, it wasn’t a miracle. It was just a different perspective. On my wedding day, my family brought out my dad in his wheel chair to share a dance with me. Sure, it wasn’t how I had imagined it, but I was so thankful and grateful to have shared that moment with him.

Yes, my dad is disabled. Yes, he can’t really travel like he used to. But he still loves life. He loves to tell his story about his Romeo days to anyone that will listen, and he is so blessed to watch his two grandchildren grow up. Hakim has the determination and still the same stubbornness he always has. And if you look closely, you can still see the young Romeo in him. (He manages to flirt with all the waitresses in the restaurants and as of recent, even the nurses that have taken care of him in the hospital).  Hakim, you have taught me to take life as it comes, and have a positive outlook across all facets of life. As Shakespeare once wrote in Romeo and Juliet “Go wisely and slowly. Those who rush stumble and fall.”  Thank you for teaching me to hold my head up high and to never stumble and fall. Happy Birthday, Daddy

Our 2nd born just turned 1 this past Sunday, November 12th. And now we are on a flight to Cancun, Mexico without the kids. I know what you’re thinking- selfish. But before you jump to conclusions- let me tell you how I pulled off an ARGGHHH Mazing party for my little man. The party put my Pinterest board to shame. I typically don’t boast about my talent in this arena- or lack there of, and maybe that’s why I feel the need to show off this small success, a mission I would have thought impossible a few years ago. 

It was the Benz of parties. And not because of the money we spent. But because of the quality and time I took to design it. We put together a pirate themed treasure hunt type party at our house – fully loaded with all the bells and whistles. -Decorations from Oriental Trading (why is it called Oriental trading!!??? None the less, they make amazing, cheap decorations.), a pirate cake from our favorite bakery, the best Indian food in town ; the kind that just hits you with comfort and perks your taste buds up, and the damn best entertainment around, me dressed up as a pirate leading the treasure hunt. I put together clues for the kids- which directed them to an arts and craft table, where they had to use their little imaginations and decorate treasure chests and pirate swords , then they were tasked with walking the plank and avoiding the sharks in the makeshift pool I created in the play room, and finally they were led to their final treasure- a piñata in the garage full of globs of candy goodness. It was a hit, baby was super happy, guests were happy, and there was enough food for all. SUCCESS.  Shenaz-1. Pinterest-0

The question always comes up though- from family, from friends- why did I even bother doing a party like this? Was I showing off? No ,no- not at all. I set goals for myself. And I have to prove to myself that I can execute on it. This was a far fetched goal for me, being able to replicate a Pinterest-esque party. Now that I have succeeded, I feel like I ran the Spartan race. (BTW, Xin just ran it and I am a super proud wife).  Small wins= pure bliss. This OCD with my goal setting doesn’t always fare well for me though. Case in point: I was trying to make pancakes for the birthday boy the morning of his actual birthday.  It was quite the challenge trying to get the will power to mix ingredients together for this task , after exhausting myself from the party. So I enlisted my mother’s help. I had set the goal of making light and fluffy pancakes for his special day- THEY HAD TO BE LIGHT AND FLUFFY.  While Baby was crying up a storm, my mother said she could help me so I could give the baby undivided attention,. And she attempted to help- but instead of hand mixing, she used the electronic hand blender- which made the batter THICK AND NOT FLUFFY.. That’s all it took to unleash the demon in me. Because it was not perfect, and no longer would be light and fluffy, I exploded.  I’m sorry, Mom. I know things sometimes don’t end up perfect, but I really wanted those pancakes to be the most perfect, tasty pancakes that little boy of mine would ever eat. So, I bought my mother flowers that day….

So, now Mexico.  It’s not the party. It’s not the pancakes.  Maybe those are some of the reasons to help justify. But honestly, because I think we deserve it. Because it was a bunch of friends that just need some time for R&Rl  We have not taken a vacation without the kids in 5 years. Perhaps we will come back better parents- the perfect dosage of sun, sand, and water should do the trick. Do we feel guilty? MY GOD- do we feel guilty. I cry at the sight of every baby and kid on the plane. Impressive, how these little creatures we call kids can have such an impact on you and your emotions. There is not a perfect way to parent, there is not a perfect way to make pancakes, and there is not a perfect way to throw a party. You are the master of your own destiny- you call the shots and you make it perfect in your own eyes. It’s about Perception. A wise man once told me , “ Happiness is achieved through a positive perspective. Everything in life is relative. You define your own success. “.  More on this wise man in the next episode……. Until then, adios amigos. Beinvenidos a Meheeeco