Behind every great man is an even greater woman- Coretta King, Anne Boleyn, Jacqueline Kennedy, Michelle Obama (my fave!). 

These women supported and gave their men the strength they needed to succeed and make their mark in history.  Somehow, these women were able to stick by their side, uphold the house, carry out political agendas that changed society, and be the comfort and voice of reason at the end of it all. 

Momma Shamshudin is that woman for the man I spoke of a couple of entries ago. And so goes the story of Fiza- the great woman behind Hakim, a.k.a Romeo.  Hakim’s drive to be passionate for life is boosted by his boulder- this gem of a woman that has dedicated the past 25 years to taking care of my disabled father. 

Mom was the sole breadwinner of our household growing up. She did the taxes, paid the bills, put food on the table, and even managed to put some money towards my college tuition. I respect and admire Fiza’s hustle and patience to this day. As a child, my mother in my eyes was this badass NYC professional. And I loved when she would come home with a small token for me after her long days- whether it be a new shirt from Strawberry, my very first Cinderella VHS, or Mariah Carey’s Dreams CD.

Dad’s condition has affected us all. Nevertheless, the person that has been affected the most is my mother. She has had to forgo any type of social events and outings, which have really disconnected her from her friends. Not to mention traveling is really out of the question. Going to public places are quite daunting for mom- she has to put up with Dad’s tantrums and wait patiently as Dad still feels the need to wander the aisles of Shop Rite for 5 hours, alongside his walker. They truly are the perfect example of the disgruntled elderly couple that frequents grocery stores during the day. Mom’s typical day consists of taking dad to his doctor appointments, cleaning up after him, and escorting him to the bathroom. This is not the life she or anyone would have imagined for himself or herself. Things we take for granted- spontaneous plans, booking travel on a whim, a night out for dinner, going to a friends’ house- these do not exist for my mother today. And trust me, we have told her several times that she can utilize us to watch Dad, but she never leaves his side. Mom- you have more than upheld your bargain of the wedding vows in its purest and truest form- “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish…”

Despite the circumstances, mom and dad both have still managed to find the small little joys that bring them together-such as their exchange of laughter when their grandson embraces them or even their random date nights at the corner restaurant by our house- a feel-good retro 70’s diner type place, the one they always refer to as the “Family Restaurant”

Mom- you are a good woman. You put up with Dad’s crap, our crap. Yet, you have thick skin. You have somehow managed to display the truest form and characteristics of what it means to be a woman, while bridging the gender gap and showing society a different perspective with “role reversals”. Thank you for being the symbol of a strong, female prowess that also possesses loyalty and compassion. This world needs more of you.

 

Happy Birthday to you, Momma.

 

81 thoughts on “The Woman Behind the Man”

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