This marks the year of the dog. I was born the year of the dog- so I think that means it will not exactly be my luckiest year. Well hot diggity dog- I got you beat. I won a $500 Travel Voucher towards a Chinese tour company just the other day! I never win anything- so you could imagine my excitement on this small win. Actually, I was already haggling with this same company for the tour that I have booked in April. Yes! We are going to Zoya and Zayn’s fatherland in April – mainly to visit Xin’s paternal grandmother- who will be turning 100. Talk about ringing in the Chinese New Year with a big bang. And what a blessing this will be, for Xin’s grandmother to meet her two great-grand kids at the age of 100, during the Year of the Dog. The Dog, who is loyal, honest and just- representative of the qualities we all desire from our loved ones.
Unfortunately, those doggone qualities were not exactly what Xin’s father possesses.
Papa Miao had come to our wedding. He was welcomed with love, happiness, and a bit of crazy at my big fat, Indian wedding. Xin was so pleased he was there. They went out to go suit shopping together- a very cute Father/Son bonding moment. After the wedding ended, Papa Miao dropped us off at the airport for our journey to Bali and my funny, hilarious cousin from London came along for the ride. I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. He wanted to share some delightful Chinese noodles for dinner with Papa Miao in Chinatown- and so they made a plan to do so after dropping us off at the airport. I think they had a lovely time, and I hope that Papa Miao saw what a wonderful, light hearted, fun filled family we were.
I am not exactly sure what happened. But 2 years later, we found out I was expecting with Zoya. Moreover, we were so excited to tell Papa M. Xin called him and shared the news, only to find himself hanging up in a rage of fury and ball of anger. “My father doesn’t care that you are pregnant and wants nothing to do with his grandchild!” Wait, what? I did not understand. Tears started pouring down my face. I was pregnant. I was bringing a child into the world- it was one of the happiest moments, we were so thrilled to share, but this man shut it down in a matter of minutes. How could he not want anything to do with his precious granddaughter? A knife had pierced our hearts that day, and there was blood. Blood that never disappeared. A rift was created, a bond broken. Xin and his father had not spoken since.
I could not help but wonder- “When he came to our wedding, was it just for appearances?” “Did he never really accept me or my family?” “MIAO, I told you we should have done a tea ceremony!”
Eventually, we stopped talking about it. Zoya was born, our lives changed forever. The thought of Papa Miao haunted us on important days- Zoya’s birthdays, Chinese New Year. But Xin refused to get in touch again. I said “Just send him a picture; he would have to melt upon seeing this little creature that looks like him”. But no, Xin never gave in. Stubborn as that Ox, as it says in his Chinese Zodiac.
He would speak about it with his friends that understood, and had gone through similar situations. That was his way of dealing with it. The memories of his father never really being there throughout his childhood, haunting him every so often.
4 years later, we gave birth to our little prince, Zayn. Xin decided to try again and tell Papa M he has a grandson, someone to carry on his name, his legacy. Papa M never picked up. Again, the heart was pierced, right at the core.
As you all know, we are going to China. To visit Papa M’s MOTHER. Well- slight dilemma. We did not know if she was still alive. Of course, you would hope that Papa M would have called to tell us if something had happened, right? Lucky for us; Xin’s maternal aunt in China has some great stalkerish skills. She hunted Papa M down and learned that Grandma was actually in the hospital due to a broken rib. Papa M was going to put her in a nursing home. While Aunt and Papa M were having a small exchange, Aunt said “By the way your son and his family are coming here.” and Papa M quickly responded by saying he was actually going to be in the states for some personal matters. But the icing on the cake was, Aunt wanted to show him recent pictures of the kids. And do you know what Papa M said? “No need, I have already seen them.” WHAT! No, MO FO, you have not. You did not even know they exist.
Again, Xin was left heart broken.
We are going to China- yes we are going to China in our entirety. The Chindians in full force, in your face. We are GOING TO find Grandma in her nursing home, and we will make sure Papa M understands what he is missing. I hope in this year of the Dog, we can make amends with Papa Miao and he can see and fall in love with his grand kids, the same grand kids that share his blood and represent him in many ways.
After all, it is the year of the dog, isn’t it? Dogs are loyal, compassion, and caring towards their masters and humans in general. I hope this year brings you all much happiness, love, and good luck. Xin Nian Qui Le from our family to yours!
